For CSA Awareness Month
A few years ago I noticed that my seven year-old daughter winced as I changed her underpants. Filled with foreboding, I questioned her gently. Hesitating, she said that for the past two days a ten year-old boy in her school van would push apart the legs of the six and seven year-old girls in the van and prod the juncture of their thighs with the toe of his boot.
Filled with a murderous rage, I controlled my own reactions, so as not to scare the already scared child, and asked her if this had been going on longer than two days. She denied it, and I believed her because it was the first time that she had shown signs of discomfort. I was also reassured at finding no signs of any laceration or inflammation when I examined her to be double sure. I asked her why she and the other little girls did not scream or complain to the driver or the teachers in the van (there were two of them!). She told me they had protested and complained, but no one had paid any attention.
I was deeply upset and angry, and pondered over the best way to handle this. I was fully aware that the situation called for immediate action and after a lot of thought I decided to confront the situation head-on.
Next morning I requested the teachers in the van and the driver to give me two minutes and related the entire story. Then I demanded the telephone number of the offender’s parents, preferring to take the matter to them, rather than to the school authorities, because I realized that a ten year-old would hardly know what he was doing, and as a mother I had no wish to court notoriety either for that child, or for my own. I then politely asked the teachers what they were about to let such things happen while they were present in the van. The teachers looked sheepish and admitted that they thought that the little girls’ screams had been due to the usual bullying behaviour of boys towards girls.
The van driver, however, was thunderstruck, and apologised to me for his remiss behaviour. Although he did not give me the numbers I asked for, he promised that he would personally inform the child’s parents of this and would not let him enter his van again. He requested me to give him twenty four hours. If he failed to address the situation satisfactorily within that time, he said, I should feel free to take the matter up before the school authorities.
He was as good as his word. However, I did inform the parents of the other little girls in the van about the incident so that they would be on their guard in future. And as it chances, my daughter took no harm from the incident, but has now, hopefully, been warned for life against objectionable behaviour by anyone.
4 comments:
Oh my god. I am so glad you were able to fix this. I'm almost too scared to wonder what propelled that kid to do this to other kids. Thank god you found out before it carried on any longer.
Thank god you took immediate and prompt action. I also admire the way in which you handled the situation. Not only did you put a stop to the boy's behaviour, but you also instilled trust in your daughter so that she knows that she can come to you without any hesitation if she is in trouble.
I hope others read your story and learn something.
I do feel this is an important issue in CSA -- instilling trust in the child so that he/she has the confidence to confide in the parents. Also, it is important to handle the situation decisively, yet delicately so that people don;t start defending wrong behaviour because their backs have been set up. After all, the objective is to prevent or stop child abuse, and not to put down others or score off them!
I do feel this is an important issue in CSA -- instilling trust in the child so that he/she has the confidence to confide in the parents. Also, it is important to handle the situation decisively, yet delicately so that people don;t start defending wrong behaviour because their backs have been set up. After all, the objective is to prevent or stop child abuse, and not to put down others or score off them!
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